katstevens (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
katstevens) wrote2008-05-24 08:05 pm
katstevens) wrote2008-05-24 08:05 pm
Entry tags:
Eurovision - liveblogging
8pm: Last year's winner, Marija Serifovic, has just treated us to i) a surprise lesbian wedding ii) some boshing euro-disco iii) emo wrangling about Her Pain, all within six minutes. Stick with me, I'll be here all night documenting this for posterity.
8.08pm: Terry tells us not to text in our votes yet or he'll be sued. "You can't a get a drink to save your life in this place!"
8.09pm: Romania are up first. This didn't impress me too much in the heats, even if they are singing it in two languages and it swings violently from opera-goth to Mariah-n-b halfway through. There's a BIG old key change there, crikey! Christ, her shrieking can't keep pace with his tenor. It'll do well but it's not getting my vote.
8.13pm: Come on Andy Binman. Wobbly start to the verse, but a reasonable chorus. Shame the backing sounds INCREDIBLY dated - 5ive could have pulled this off as a Children In Need single ten years ago, and Simply Red might have charted with this in the 80s. At least he can sing properly? I think we should get more than nil points but realistically we're not going to win, are we?
8.16pm: Albania. I really like the Serbian's postcards this year, them dancers printing out the Albanian flag were super! "The first bellybutton of the evening", says Terry. I can't see anything yet, so I assume a costume change must be on the horizon. Aiiiiiiieeee oh dear love, no amount of hair swishing is going to distract us from the fact you're singing the chorus off key. Or perhaps it's meant to be like that? Song = dreadful sub-Evanescence whingeing.
8.20pm: OUCH Germany! Dudes, harmonies are only great if you are all in tune with each other! It's the girl doing the lowest note of the chord and it's PAINFUL. Shame, as the backing is quite sweet Scando-pop. One of them appears to be Julie Walters. Last place, I think.
8.24pm: Armenia. 'Kiss Kiss'-style Mid East pop. Not a bad tune, although her tassles are distressing me. I think if Tatu were singing this they might change the lyrics to something about bleakness and emptiness as a metaphor for our lives? Hmmm. Will probably do ok.
8.27pm: Bosnia-Herzegovina, these dudes were singing through some laundry in the semi final. "It's Ceephax and Cleo Roccos", says![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
boyofbadgers. I think this takes too long to get going, and descends into Weird again all too soon. I think I'm getting old. I predict this will place top 5 (not just because of the bloc-voting).
8.32pm: Mad woman standing in a crowd of Serbian dudes implores us to 'go crazy'. Marvellous.
8.33pm: Wailing from Israel. So far he's making a much better hash of it than in the semis - he seems more relaxed and stuff, but the melody line is pretty unforgiving and any tiny blip shows up straight away. Top 10?
8.37pm: Finnish metal by serious metallers. Hooo! Haa! Waaaaaaaaah! Proper Whitesnake hum-dudda hum-dudda hum and synchronised guitar thrusting. My favourite so far in both fashion and music (you can't beat a nie pair of leather flares). Our current theory is that they only had 4 dudes in the band, but were allowed 6 dudes on stage so hired 2 extra dudes to hit enormous drums with spiky maces. Extra marks for key change :)
8.41pm: Croatia have a 'featuring' dude called '75 Cents', whom I can only assume is 50% better than 50 cents. Hahahaha GREBT, 75 Cent is actually 75 years old! And is singing a boshed up tango. There's a lass doing ballet flamenco cartwheels! Not bad at all. Now the woman is playing milk bottles filled with BLOOD. Speeded up 'la la la' chorus and scratching a record on a gramaphone. Awesome. "What in heaven's name was all that about?", asks Terry.
8.45pm: Poland have offered up a suntanned lass belting out some opera-slush. This could probably soundtrack a romantic comedy set where the two leads must overcome some enormous obstacle (egTitanic sinking a terrible cleavage accident). I really quite dislike this.
8.48pm: Iceland are represented by 'Euroband'. HANDS IN THE AIR! Thumping uplifting gay trance ahoy - coming to a Tampax advert near you. "This is my life!" Blimey a WOMAN has come on stage who looks like Cascada. Great harmonies here, good middle eight, strong vocals and cheerful smiles. This is what Gemini should have sounded like that year we got nil pwa.
8.53pm: Turkey are RAWK sung by a grinning Vulcan.boyofbadgers: "Dude, they sound like the Manics!" Compared to most of the dross I waded through researching Turkish pop for the Europop cup, this isn't bad - chorus needs more of a tune, but the general gist is alright. Mid-table.
8.57pm: The backstage dudes have asked us "Where's your Olympic spirit?"
8.58pm: Portugal's song is called 'Lady Of The Sea (Black Waters)'. A conservative start - is it going to go anywhere? Arrgh this reminds me of something and I can't think of what. One of the songs from Aladdin? WHAT IS IT? I bet loads of dudes will vote for this out of sheer frustration.
9.02pm: Latvian pirates YARRR. Boshing hi-nrg shouting and daft costumes. Top marks for gimmickery, not 100% on the singing quality but dudes, they are salty seadogs innit and have probably been at the Grog. Speaking of which, I may go and fix myself a beverage.
9.06pm: Charlotte Nilssen is clearly cheating by trying to win again, surely? Just because you've changed her name, don't think we don't recognise you dear! BLIMEY what's happened to her face since the other day? Botox much? Or just bad makeup? Oh right, the song - we've plugged the telly into the stereo now so I can appreciate the om-ee-om-ee bass going on underneath this. The rest of it isn't particlarly inspiring and Char seems to be oversinging it a touch. And AGAIN WITH THE TASSLES. In booze news,boyofbadgers has opened me a Double Dragon: Beer Of Wales. Om nom nom.
9.10pm: With a little help from their friends, Denmark have found an Orson tribute band. This will do well because he's wearing braces. He can sing pretty well though and this is quite McFly-ish in the chorus but their drummer isn't half as fit.
9.14pm: Georgia's track is introduced by disco nurses, hurrah. Blimey the song ain't half gothic. You won't get the benefit of sunglasses indoors my dear. Perhaps she has bad hayfever? Or maybe she is blind? I think she might be one of the lasses from B*Witched - is she going to start Riverdancing? 'Something's Going To Change', Oh Rly. Is it the KEY that might change? Here we go, she's behind a cloth! But some bad direction has meant we missed the magic trick! Noes! Very symbolic though, everyone's gone WHITE do you see.
9.17pm: Ukraine has Catherine Zeta-Jones doing Banging Techno infront of men trapped in perspex boxes! Very Booty Luv. This is great, I'm so glad we have the speakers plugged in, tassles or no! NEW FAVOURITE. Writhing about during the middle eight! My fist is pumping in the air. I would happily listen to this every day for the rest of ever.
9.22pm: Aha, it is time for SebastiHEN Teiller (T-EI-llier like EI which is German for egg). S(w)inging a song in a little golf buggy, awww. His backing singers are out of tune but for all I know that might be the point. Or perhaps they are having trouble singing through their beards. "Try to find the Milky Way, so I have to drink it every day", hmmm, not sure about this at all. I like the eclipse for the French-language bit though. Hmm, this won't do well but as Terry says "full marks to the French for trying something different".
9.27pm: Hurrah, this lot were great on Tuesday. Azerbaijan have an angel (soprano) and a devil (er, rock) duelling for our earthly souls. Considering this is their first ever entry into Eurovision I think they've got it sussed out straight away. The yelping might be a bit much for the granny voters of Europe BUT the angel dude's hair is enough like Phillip Schofield's to win them back. The FORCES of GOOD have WON.
9.30pm: Terry is getting all flustered with the snogging couple introducing Greece. I really liked this one, Slave 4 U-era Britney innit. She's not doing quite as well as on Tuesday bless her (the chorus delivery is quite plodding), but the song is still good. Not as good as Ukraine or Iceland. Sadface.
9.34pm: Spain have Rolf Harris in a David Devant wig. This is is Not Good. O Spain, how the mighty have fallen - even Las Ketchup's dodgy one the other year wasn't as bollock-awful as this. Comedy songs must be FUNNY. And preferably also GOOD. Limp backing and awful singing. I quite like their outfits though. Man they just got booed!
9.38pm: Let's see what our hosts have served up for us. SERBED up for us, ahahahaha I'm hilarious. More hilarious than bloody Spain, at any rate. Right, who's this? Folk balladry complete with pan pipes. "Where's the turbo folk?", pleadsboyofbadgers. Where's my beer more like, I'm bored already.
9.43pm: Russia's version of Enrique Iglesias (with a little help from Timbaland) is carefully walking backwards to where his mini ice rink is, where the ice skating figure champion is circling round him. He's singing much better than on Tuesday and I kind of wish I'd put that tenner on them to win now. Russia deserve a Eurovision win really, even if this song is pretty dire.
9.46pm: I really liked Norway on Tues - Mark Ronson/Miss Dynamite style backing, sung by a lass who really can't dance at all and who likes Leona Lewis's vocal style an awful lot. Fine by me, but I don't think she's really got enough to win. And she's not as good as the Ukraine, who will be getting my text vote for sure.
Hahah they've got a 7ft tall basketball player to kick off the voting. They had a tennis dude doing it on Tuesday!
RIGHT, that's it from me for the moment - make sure you vote forthe Ukraine someone awesome! Enjoy the half time break and I'll see you back here for the voting...
10.22pm: I've eaten a tub of ice cream and I'm ready to go. Half-time entertainment was middling but cheerful, bloc voting is well underway and the audience is booing it, hurray. Come on Ukraine, I'm crossing my fingers.
10.28pm: Hurray San Marino has given us some points! Bad luck Germany, still on 0.
10.35pm: The dude from Moldova may well be an Enormous Bummer, don't ask me how I know. Ukraine seem to be consistently scoring 6s and 7s, poor old Iceland are near the bottom and big shock, Poland are last! I thought the idiots of Europe would be voting for that woman in their droves.
10.39pm: The Portuguese woman seemed on a different planet but HURRAY douze points for Ukraine :) ♥ ♥ Not sure why Bulgaria gave Germany 12, blimey were they watching a different performance to us?
10.54pm: Cheers Ireland! Sorry for slagging off your crap turkey song. But seriously: FVCK OFF MALTA.
11.02pm: Terry seems to have called it for Russia, Ukraine are hot on their heels but it might be too much to ask. The Russian jurist has a very strange 'look' - "Is that some hat or a hair?", questionsboyofbadgers. The excitement is getting to us a little.
11.06pm: The Danish announcer is CLEARLY WHIGFIELD. Or at least her little sister. And Russia have definitely won - lets hope the ice skater dude isn't too sozzled and slices Dima's fingers off whilst he's writhing about for the encore. The UK has come joint last, oh dear, qwel surprise. SHUT UP TERRY I like watching it for the music - Ukraine deserved a high placing and I'm going to bloody BUY it if I can find it anywhere.
Phew! Roll on next year :)
8.08pm: Terry tells us not to text in our votes yet or he'll be sued. "You can't a get a drink to save your life in this place!"
8.09pm: Romania are up first. This didn't impress me too much in the heats, even if they are singing it in two languages and it swings violently from opera-goth to Mariah-n-b halfway through. There's a BIG old key change there, crikey! Christ, her shrieking can't keep pace with his tenor. It'll do well but it's not getting my vote.
8.13pm: Come on Andy Binman. Wobbly start to the verse, but a reasonable chorus. Shame the backing sounds INCREDIBLY dated - 5ive could have pulled this off as a Children In Need single ten years ago, and Simply Red might have charted with this in the 80s. At least he can sing properly? I think we should get more than nil points but realistically we're not going to win, are we?
8.16pm: Albania. I really like the Serbian's postcards this year, them dancers printing out the Albanian flag were super! "The first bellybutton of the evening", says Terry. I can't see anything yet, so I assume a costume change must be on the horizon. Aiiiiiiieeee oh dear love, no amount of hair swishing is going to distract us from the fact you're singing the chorus off key. Or perhaps it's meant to be like that? Song = dreadful sub-Evanescence whingeing.
8.20pm: OUCH Germany! Dudes, harmonies are only great if you are all in tune with each other! It's the girl doing the lowest note of the chord and it's PAINFUL. Shame, as the backing is quite sweet Scando-pop. One of them appears to be Julie Walters. Last place, I think.
8.24pm: Armenia. 'Kiss Kiss'-style Mid East pop. Not a bad tune, although her tassles are distressing me. I think if Tatu were singing this they might change the lyrics to something about bleakness and emptiness as a metaphor for our lives? Hmmm. Will probably do ok.
8.27pm: Bosnia-Herzegovina, these dudes were singing through some laundry in the semi final. "It's Ceephax and Cleo Roccos", says
boyofbadgers. I think this takes too long to get going, and descends into Weird again all too soon. I think I'm getting old. I predict this will place top 5 (not just because of the bloc-voting).8.32pm: Mad woman standing in a crowd of Serbian dudes implores us to 'go crazy'. Marvellous.
8.33pm: Wailing from Israel. So far he's making a much better hash of it than in the semis - he seems more relaxed and stuff, but the melody line is pretty unforgiving and any tiny blip shows up straight away. Top 10?
8.37pm: Finnish metal by serious metallers. Hooo! Haa! Waaaaaaaaah! Proper Whitesnake hum-dudda hum-dudda hum and synchronised guitar thrusting. My favourite so far in both fashion and music (you can't beat a nie pair of leather flares). Our current theory is that they only had 4 dudes in the band, but were allowed 6 dudes on stage so hired 2 extra dudes to hit enormous drums with spiky maces. Extra marks for key change :)
8.41pm: Croatia have a 'featuring' dude called '75 Cents', whom I can only assume is 50% better than 50 cents. Hahahaha GREBT, 75 Cent is actually 75 years old! And is singing a boshed up tango. There's a lass doing ballet flamenco cartwheels! Not bad at all. Now the woman is playing milk bottles filled with BLOOD. Speeded up 'la la la' chorus and scratching a record on a gramaphone. Awesome. "What in heaven's name was all that about?", asks Terry.
8.45pm: Poland have offered up a suntanned lass belting out some opera-slush. This could probably soundtrack a romantic comedy set where the two leads must overcome some enormous obstacle (eg
8.48pm: Iceland are represented by 'Euroband'. HANDS IN THE AIR! Thumping uplifting gay trance ahoy - coming to a Tampax advert near you. "This is my life!" Blimey a WOMAN has come on stage who looks like Cascada. Great harmonies here, good middle eight, strong vocals and cheerful smiles. This is what Gemini should have sounded like that year we got nil pwa.
8.53pm: Turkey are RAWK sung by a grinning Vulcan.
boyofbadgers: "Dude, they sound like the Manics!" Compared to most of the dross I waded through researching Turkish pop for the Europop cup, this isn't bad - chorus needs more of a tune, but the general gist is alright. Mid-table.8.57pm: The backstage dudes have asked us "Where's your Olympic spirit?"
8.58pm: Portugal's song is called 'Lady Of The Sea (Black Waters)'. A conservative start - is it going to go anywhere? Arrgh this reminds me of something and I can't think of what. One of the songs from Aladdin? WHAT IS IT? I bet loads of dudes will vote for this out of sheer frustration.
9.02pm: Latvian pirates YARRR. Boshing hi-nrg shouting and daft costumes. Top marks for gimmickery, not 100% on the singing quality but dudes, they are salty seadogs innit and have probably been at the Grog. Speaking of which, I may go and fix myself a beverage.
9.06pm: Charlotte Nilssen is clearly cheating by trying to win again, surely? Just because you've changed her name, don't think we don't recognise you dear! BLIMEY what's happened to her face since the other day? Botox much? Or just bad makeup? Oh right, the song - we've plugged the telly into the stereo now so I can appreciate the om-ee-om-ee bass going on underneath this. The rest of it isn't particlarly inspiring and Char seems to be oversinging it a touch. And AGAIN WITH THE TASSLES. In booze news,
boyofbadgers has opened me a Double Dragon: Beer Of Wales. Om nom nom. 9.10pm: With a little help from their friends, Denmark have found an Orson tribute band. This will do well because he's wearing braces. He can sing pretty well though and this is quite McFly-ish in the chorus but their drummer isn't half as fit.
9.14pm: Georgia's track is introduced by disco nurses, hurrah. Blimey the song ain't half gothic. You won't get the benefit of sunglasses indoors my dear. Perhaps she has bad hayfever? Or maybe she is blind? I think she might be one of the lasses from B*Witched - is she going to start Riverdancing? 'Something's Going To Change', Oh Rly. Is it the KEY that might change? Here we go, she's behind a cloth! But some bad direction has meant we missed the magic trick! Noes! Very symbolic though, everyone's gone WHITE do you see.
9.17pm: Ukraine has Catherine Zeta-Jones doing Banging Techno infront of men trapped in perspex boxes! Very Booty Luv. This is great, I'm so glad we have the speakers plugged in, tassles or no! NEW FAVOURITE. Writhing about during the middle eight! My fist is pumping in the air. I would happily listen to this every day for the rest of ever.
9.22pm: Aha, it is time for SebastiHEN Teiller (T-EI-llier like EI which is German for egg). S(w)inging a song in a little golf buggy, awww. His backing singers are out of tune but for all I know that might be the point. Or perhaps they are having trouble singing through their beards. "Try to find the Milky Way, so I have to drink it every day", hmmm, not sure about this at all. I like the eclipse for the French-language bit though. Hmm, this won't do well but as Terry says "full marks to the French for trying something different".
9.27pm: Hurrah, this lot were great on Tuesday. Azerbaijan have an angel (soprano) and a devil (er, rock) duelling for our earthly souls. Considering this is their first ever entry into Eurovision I think they've got it sussed out straight away. The yelping might be a bit much for the granny voters of Europe BUT the angel dude's hair is enough like Phillip Schofield's to win them back. The FORCES of GOOD have WON.
9.30pm: Terry is getting all flustered with the snogging couple introducing Greece. I really liked this one, Slave 4 U-era Britney innit. She's not doing quite as well as on Tuesday bless her (the chorus delivery is quite plodding), but the song is still good. Not as good as Ukraine or Iceland. Sadface.
9.34pm: Spain have Rolf Harris in a David Devant wig. This is is Not Good. O Spain, how the mighty have fallen - even Las Ketchup's dodgy one the other year wasn't as bollock-awful as this. Comedy songs must be FUNNY. And preferably also GOOD. Limp backing and awful singing. I quite like their outfits though. Man they just got booed!
9.38pm: Let's see what our hosts have served up for us. SERBED up for us, ahahahaha I'm hilarious. More hilarious than bloody Spain, at any rate. Right, who's this? Folk balladry complete with pan pipes. "Where's the turbo folk?", pleads
boyofbadgers. Where's my beer more like, I'm bored already.9.43pm: Russia's version of Enrique Iglesias (with a little help from Timbaland) is carefully walking backwards to where his mini ice rink is, where the ice skating figure champion is circling round him. He's singing much better than on Tuesday and I kind of wish I'd put that tenner on them to win now. Russia deserve a Eurovision win really, even if this song is pretty dire.
9.46pm: I really liked Norway on Tues - Mark Ronson/Miss Dynamite style backing, sung by a lass who really can't dance at all and who likes Leona Lewis's vocal style an awful lot. Fine by me, but I don't think she's really got enough to win. And she's not as good as the Ukraine, who will be getting my text vote for sure.
Hahah they've got a 7ft tall basketball player to kick off the voting. They had a tennis dude doing it on Tuesday!
RIGHT, that's it from me for the moment - make sure you vote for
10.22pm: I've eaten a tub of ice cream and I'm ready to go. Half-time entertainment was middling but cheerful, bloc voting is well underway and the audience is booing it, hurray. Come on Ukraine, I'm crossing my fingers.
10.28pm: Hurray San Marino has given us some points! Bad luck Germany, still on 0.
10.35pm: The dude from Moldova may well be an Enormous Bummer, don't ask me how I know. Ukraine seem to be consistently scoring 6s and 7s, poor old Iceland are near the bottom and big shock, Poland are last! I thought the idiots of Europe would be voting for that woman in their droves.
10.39pm: The Portuguese woman seemed on a different planet but HURRAY douze points for Ukraine :) ♥ ♥ Not sure why Bulgaria gave Germany 12, blimey were they watching a different performance to us?
10.54pm: Cheers Ireland! Sorry for slagging off your crap turkey song. But seriously: FVCK OFF MALTA.
11.02pm: Terry seems to have called it for Russia, Ukraine are hot on their heels but it might be too much to ask. The Russian jurist has a very strange 'look' - "Is that some hat or a hair?", questions
boyofbadgers. The excitement is getting to us a little.11.06pm: The Danish announcer is CLEARLY WHIGFIELD. Or at least her little sister. And Russia have definitely won - lets hope the ice skater dude isn't too sozzled and slices Dima's fingers off whilst he's writhing about for the encore. The UK has come joint last, oh dear, qwel surprise. SHUT UP TERRY I like watching it for the music - Ukraine deserved a high placing and I'm going to bloody BUY it if I can find it anywhere.
Phew! Roll on next year :)